Pain

I couldn't help it. I had a a few minutes to spare and I told you that I would get you a poem and I did. It flowed easily for me, all of a sudden it just came. I know it is a bit long but I hope you like. For some a little cryptic but I guess that is who I am.

I see. I finally see.
I know. I finally know.
I remember. I finally remember.
And recollect.

Dark stained glass.
It is like I am underwater.
My heart beating and my soft breathing sounds heavy,
heavier than the rain crashing down my window.

Shadows. Darkness. Phantoms.
Linen. Warmth but cool.
Splash. It hits me, repressed memories.
Betrayal and Betrayed.

My constant.
The one I didn’t realise until it was too late.
His warmth and jokes never went astray.
My constant until he walked away.

Alone. Until one day.
The light heralded and he came.
Soft but steady, slow but ready.
And then somehow we were.
We just became.

It started with acceptance when no one would.
He believed when I said I could.
The goal lined up and then I shoot…somehow missed,
missed something major just let me think.

Fun. Hugs. Nicknames.

Someone understood. Someone cared.
Then he left and never came back again.
No calls, no texts, nothing.
Bond. Friendship went all down the drain.

Abandoned. Scared.
I am in foreign land where lipstick and mascara rule this band.
I had to adjust. Change. Never be the same.
For that I was blamed.

I got called names.
Laughed at and bitched about.
I never could be the same.
Because I was betrayed.

I conformed, uniformed.
Marched to their anthem.
Kept in time.
I hated all those days.

Black Beauty and the Silver Brumby.
Cantered into view.
I am all grown up and I am so confused.
Trust. Distrust. I really don’t know what to do.

I’ve been hurt over and over.
Cut deeper and deeper.
Each time doesn’t get easier.
So what do I do?

Jump Back. Whoosh.
The girls with the lipsticks and the mascaras.
The girls who didn’t see me.
I faded as he slipped away.

White. Sterile. Metallic.
So many cords and machines.
So little time but I didn’t know.
That another would go.
I was abandoned and betrayed.

The one that stood strong.
The one that I always had.
But something makes me not get close.
Like any minute he would go away.

My actions hurt him.
And he was my true constant.
Now I am the poacher.
And I am not the only one who has felt betrayed.

It all started with do you remember...