I don't know whether it is because I'm a bitch and people don't like me or its because it just is and I really hope I it isn't because I'm a bitch, and whilst I'm typing my eyes are blurring the screen from how tired I am. I haven't felt any motivation lately so thank God for no homework tonight. Wahoo. Anyway apart from my personal celebratory thingy majiggy, my fatigue lately has made very dull company, irritable and a lot like PMS I guess. Not that you need to know anything about that...anyway, if you know a girl who has been through that or girls who know the feeling that is how I have been feeling and it doesn't help when friends drift away and other things in my life get messy.
For instance...I realised that I wasn't as close with a really good friend, I mean we hang out but they go off with other friends as do I and we don't talk anymore, it is like we don't know what to talk about, we have gotten to the stage where we do small talk like acquaintances, yes or no answers and things like that. This is quite a bummer because we used to be besties, I don't know if they have realised this also, they go out with my other former bestie to each other's houses, shopping and all that. I mean I hate shopping but you could still ask? Okay so I don't want to be a bitch but its just things are changing and I knew they would, but not now, I thought after year 12 because everyone says friends forever but it never works out like that, we will go our seperate ways. It isn't really that hard to comprehend and I guess I have thought about it a lot, it isn't like I want to easily just let go of my friends but I guess when it comes the time I will do it a lot easily, since I'm not clouded by fluffy lovey dovey bullshit that in the end means nothing.
I'm not gonna say that I don't really like my friends because I do and some more than others have made a huge impact on my life. If you are reading this Jaja is one of them, she kept me sane whilst i was in rough patch. I owe her so much and I thank her for it. But I see friends that are so close and then drift apart like they were nothing, happened to me a lot but really I am so used to it.
Just wanted to rant
so thanks for listening.
It started with do you remember
Wednesday 31 August 2011
Tuesday 30 August 2011
Luck of the Draw
Not really sure if this heading suits tried to be creative anyway...another weird rambling from the oh so weird girl who instead of doing her english homework is writing to you my dear people.
Don't you just hate when you just missed out on the best thing/opportunity by a smidgen, an ounce, a mm of a mm. (don't know what that is called)
Like you just forget about it for sooo long and then you are so surprised that it is finally in your life again but not entirely and it is trying to make contact with you and you didn't pick up the phone thinking it is a telemarketer (sorry to the fellow bloggers or readers who are telemarketers) and that phone call was the only chance of contact and you blew it. All of those memories that you tried to keep untainted have hurt once more and it could have been a bliss and a renewal of a relationship if you just picked up the phone.
Ever felt like that?
Or if you walked in straighter and more confident through the audition door you would've gotten that role- i mean your acting and look was great and all but you looked a bit nervous walking in. Aww you don't say!
If only...these are the two words that revolve around many peoples minds...if only i did this I could've been... blah blah blah. And these regrets make you try harder and for those who do they are ridiculed for putting themselves in a vulnerable position and give it their all so that they have no regrets as they muster all of their courage and don't look back so they don't have the two words on their mind...if only...
Don't exactly know where this was going but I hope you get the jist, just some thoughts that crossed my mind.
It all started with do you remember...
Don't you just hate when you just missed out on the best thing/opportunity by a smidgen, an ounce, a mm of a mm. (don't know what that is called)
Like you just forget about it for sooo long and then you are so surprised that it is finally in your life again but not entirely and it is trying to make contact with you and you didn't pick up the phone thinking it is a telemarketer (sorry to the fellow bloggers or readers who are telemarketers) and that phone call was the only chance of contact and you blew it. All of those memories that you tried to keep untainted have hurt once more and it could have been a bliss and a renewal of a relationship if you just picked up the phone.
Ever felt like that?
Or if you walked in straighter and more confident through the audition door you would've gotten that role- i mean your acting and look was great and all but you looked a bit nervous walking in. Aww you don't say!
If only...these are the two words that revolve around many peoples minds...if only i did this I could've been... blah blah blah. And these regrets make you try harder and for those who do they are ridiculed for putting themselves in a vulnerable position and give it their all so that they have no regrets as they muster all of their courage and don't look back so they don't have the two words on their mind...if only...
Don't exactly know where this was going but I hope you get the jist, just some thoughts that crossed my mind.
It all started with do you remember...
Superstition or just pure...Something
This is a totally random post but whatever.
I've noticed over my observational years that if you want something so much you don't get it but if you turn a blind eye toward it...it is like drawn to you. This ranges from many things and is quite a general concept. Maybe it is the hope of wanting so bad that when you don't get it your heart is crushed into a gazillion pieces with the rest of your vital organs such as your brain, lungs and spine(though this is not a organ...i don't think?) and this crushing feeling makes it feel worse that you realise and are more alert to the fact that you didn't get that desired object and it is just a coincidence that when you try to forget about it that very thing is drawn to you.
Probably not making sense but really and truly honestly when do I ever?
Fair call.
So is it superstition or pure...something?
Short but sweet just like me...ha.
It started with do you remember...
I've noticed over my observational years that if you want something so much you don't get it but if you turn a blind eye toward it...it is like drawn to you. This ranges from many things and is quite a general concept. Maybe it is the hope of wanting so bad that when you don't get it your heart is crushed into a gazillion pieces with the rest of your vital organs such as your brain, lungs and spine(though this is not a organ...i don't think?) and this crushing feeling makes it feel worse that you realise and are more alert to the fact that you didn't get that desired object and it is just a coincidence that when you try to forget about it that very thing is drawn to you.
Probably not making sense but really and truly honestly when do I ever?
Fair call.
So is it superstition or pure...something?
Short but sweet just like me...ha.
It started with do you remember...
Friday 26 August 2011
Picturesque
I had take a few photos over the last couple of days.
SUNSET
- Can you see the rainbows in these pictures...
SUNSET
CLOUDY- THESE CLOUDS LOOK PAINTED
AND THESE REMIND OF TOY STORY
It all started with do you remember...
I WAS THERE!!!
It may have been years
but to me it felt like days.
When we were quite dear
in the things we would say.
Babies may cry for Mickey Mouse
with laughter and childish fun.
I cried out Mickey Mouse
to greet and have a smile won.
I was your trusty side kick
Ninny- Nat was the name
Though it may have sounded silly
I really liked our little game.
So here is a poem
that expresses how I feel
whilst sharing my memories
that mean to me a great deal.
I was there when you walked through the door.
But I wasn't one of those girls seeking for something more.
I was there introducing myself to you as a friend.
Then it wasn't that long when you had reached a dead end.
I gave you a helping hand and some compassion was lent.
I was there when our bond grew stronger
as my female backstabbing so-called friends were no longer.
I was there watching the guys play basketball
it was early morning and I wished I was on that court.
I was there when you convinced the boys to give me and equal shot.
So what I am trying to say is that...
I was there when you had my back that day.
I was there alongside you when you did not know what to do
Two pretty girls you liked my God which should you choose?
I was there as you complained how hard life was
but I sat in silence and listened as I was your best friend and just because.
I was there as it was sunny but you were looking gloomy
you lost one girl and the other not long after; you were fuming.
I was there to break up your fights with Chris and others
Because I cared for you so much like you were my brother.
I was there as you friend, Councillor and referee
and I was nice enough to do it all for free.
I was there when you had your operation through the embarrassment and hard times
I never left your side even when you cried.
You may not believe me but you were quite a sensitive guy
But that is what I loved as you weren't a fake and you would never try.
You smiled through everything with that big toothy grin
and I smiled with you throughout the dim.
And I was definitely there
as you called me pretty
it was Graduation Day
and you made me feel especially happy.
I was there for you through the good and the bad
we had our rough times but I knew we'd make amends.
So it was surprising when you hugged me goodbye
As you didn't think to call, text or...
try to keep the friendship alive.
It was probably bound to happen
as we are from different schools
but I still held on to what we had
but you never looked back in return.
So you must understand why I'm hurt
after all I did for you
And all I was, was forgotten
Like something old, trash but what can you do?
Here's a newsflash:
I am not some rusty item
that can just be replaced
I am angry, pissed and hurt
and that is something you have to face
The reason why I am like this
is quite as simple one
its because those two terms meant so much to me
but to you it was just some forgotten fun.
I feel used like some dirty dishcloth
that is wrecked beyond its days
but just remember this:
I was there...no matter what you say.
It all started with do you remember...
but to me it felt like days.
When we were quite dear
in the things we would say.
Babies may cry for Mickey Mouse
with laughter and childish fun.
I cried out Mickey Mouse
to greet and have a smile won.
I was your trusty side kick
Ninny- Nat was the name
Though it may have sounded silly
I really liked our little game.
So here is a poem
that expresses how I feel
whilst sharing my memories
that mean to me a great deal.
I was there when you walked through the door.
But I wasn't one of those girls seeking for something more.
I was there introducing myself to you as a friend.
Then it wasn't that long when you had reached a dead end.
I gave you a helping hand and some compassion was lent.
I was there when our bond grew stronger
as my female backstabbing so-called friends were no longer.
I was there watching the guys play basketball
it was early morning and I wished I was on that court.
I was there when you convinced the boys to give me and equal shot.
So what I am trying to say is that...
I was there when you had my back that day.
I was there alongside you when you did not know what to do
Two pretty girls you liked my God which should you choose?
I was there as you complained how hard life was
but I sat in silence and listened as I was your best friend and just because.
I was there as it was sunny but you were looking gloomy
you lost one girl and the other not long after; you were fuming.
I was there to break up your fights with Chris and others
Because I cared for you so much like you were my brother.
I was there as you friend, Councillor and referee
and I was nice enough to do it all for free.
I was there when you had your operation through the embarrassment and hard times
I never left your side even when you cried.
You may not believe me but you were quite a sensitive guy
But that is what I loved as you weren't a fake and you would never try.
You smiled through everything with that big toothy grin
and I smiled with you throughout the dim.
And I was definitely there
as you called me pretty
it was Graduation Day
and you made me feel especially happy.
I was there for you through the good and the bad
we had our rough times but I knew we'd make amends.
So it was surprising when you hugged me goodbye
As you didn't think to call, text or...
try to keep the friendship alive.
It was probably bound to happen
as we are from different schools
but I still held on to what we had
but you never looked back in return.
So you must understand why I'm hurt
after all I did for you
And all I was, was forgotten
Like something old, trash but what can you do?
Here's a newsflash:
I am not some rusty item
that can just be replaced
I am angry, pissed and hurt
and that is something you have to face
The reason why I am like this
is quite as simple one
its because those two terms meant so much to me
but to you it was just some forgotten fun.
I feel used like some dirty dishcloth
that is wrecked beyond its days
but just remember this:
I was there...no matter what you say.
It all started with do you remember...
Tuesday 23 August 2011
Bird Watcher
One, Two, Three, Four
Four birds pecking at my door.
Five, Six, Seven, Eight
They are circling high, flocking at my gate.
Four birds pecking at my door.
Five, Six, Seven, Eight
They are circling high, flocking at my gate.
Different colours, varying shapes and sizes
as they fly around me my brain realizes
that this could all head for the south
as rumors could be spread by word of mouth.
as they fly around me my brain realizes
that this could all head for the south
as rumors could be spread by word of mouth.
My self-esteem once dwindled is now surprised,
that I have four healthy birds that I once despised.
As they group at my feet I come to wonder why?
Why are they trying to become my ally; or more,
that I have four healthy birds that I once despised.
As they group at my feet I come to wonder why?
Why are they trying to become my ally; or more,
As the peacock’s feathers are fanning in such an array,
As it struts its small feet when it parades
Right under my nose can’t it see
That I’m not one of those girls who are easily deceived.
As it struts its small feet when it parades
Right under my nose can’t it see
That I’m not one of those girls who are easily deceived.
Pink flamingo, tall and elegant
I once thought you were very arrogant.
As you strolled around under the sun
Feathers deepening one by one, and now you are fun.
I once thought you were very arrogant.
As you strolled around under the sun
Feathers deepening one by one, and now you are fun.
As tall and handsome as one can be,
it is not enough to catch me
As you stick your ostrich head in the sand
You have the potential to move but waste it by lazing around.
it is not enough to catch me
As you stick your ostrich head in the sand
You have the potential to move but waste it by lazing around.
The parrot that has a mouth for jokes,
Always seems to make me laugh at his pokes
But I can not just hide that there is history
And if I chose to pursue some won’t be pleased.
Always seems to make me laugh at his pokes
But I can not just hide that there is history
And if I chose to pursue some won’t be pleased.
One, Two, Three, Four
I’m just a watcher and nothing more
Five, Six, Seven, Eight
I’ll lay around and until the time comes I’ll just wait.
I’m just a watcher and nothing more
Five, Six, Seven, Eight
I’ll lay around and until the time comes I’ll just wait.
It all started with do you remember,
Thursday 18 August 2011
Mashed Potato
I know I haven't blogged in yonks...yes I say yonks...so this is just a mash-up of ranting, speculation and creative flair. (I hope!)
Culture or Excuse?
Many people these days believe it is a part of Australian culture to drink and like the media has portrayed us teenagers, some more than others like to get on the bandwagon too and drink in the festive, 'cultural' spirit. But is that really an excuse to abuse alcohol party after party? Do you really need a beverage that will leave you intoxicated with some reflux action and a killer headache as a side affect to have fun? For me no...my opinion I don't drink because I don't like to...I've seen the consequences of friends and family, what it does to relationships and the taste is really not that great. But even knowing these things people still tell their friends that they are going to get wasted that night and it will be the best thing ever! Yeah the last time I checked becoming a clumsy zombie, sleazy dirtbag or aggressive nut whilst smelling off and having no recollection the next morning is the best thing ever...Not! Drinking shouldn't be done to have fun, people should not need to drink to have fun because you won't remember the fun anyway as it will be a haze in the memory with everybody else telling you the things you did. Drinking can also be used as an excuse so you don't take responsibility of a sticky situation like kissing a girl/guy you liked but they don't like you back, if you were drunk then they will think it is a one off thing, or that you're are totally gross because guys out their I'll will let you know now on a little secret...guys that are drunk are very unattractive. Just putting it out there.
Also smoking...but that is for another time and you are probably thinking right now, geez she is a nun or something...well no I'm not I've just seen the affects and the lack of control it gives people.
Signs
I'm not referencing the movie but BOYS and for boys who are reading this you can read further and answer my questions or comment orrrr skip this entirely and not waste your time. It's up to you and please note you have been warned.
Signs? Gestures? Coincidences?
Honestly when it comes to guys I have no idea if they are flirting with me or talking casually or trying to drop a hint. Usually I think it is nothing because of my low respect for myself and lack of confidence but sometimes I have an inkling and then think I am over-thinking things.
Honestly you'd think I'd know because I've had best friends that are guys, I used to hang out with guys a lot but I also have a lot of doubt. So how do you know? Also some people say I flirt but I don't even recognise me flirting so how am i supposed to know if the other sex is? Soooooooooo confusing.
Honestly when it comes to guys I have no idea if they are flirting with me or talking casually or trying to drop a hint. Usually I think it is nothing because of my low respect for myself and lack of confidence but sometimes I have an inkling and then think I am over-thinking things.
Honestly you'd think I'd know because I've had best friends that are guys, I used to hang out with guys a lot but I also have a lot of doubt. So how do you know? Also some people say I flirt but I don't even recognise me flirting so how am i supposed to know if the other sex is? Soooooooooo confusing.
a start of a poem: i know this is pretty depressing most of my poems are because I only right when I'm down, so don't think I'm a depressed person because of my poems.
I am paper thin on the verge of breaking
People see me but they keep on walking
I can sing, dance, act but they don't care
Nobody notices, I am a stray balloon in the air.
People see me but they keep on walking
I can sing, dance, act but they don't care
Nobody notices, I am a stray balloon in the air.
Small, black twirling higher and higher,
Battling the winds, the storms and the fire.
Battling the winds, the storms and the fire.
The bruises and scars make me rise further,
But what I do doesn't even matter.
But what I do doesn't even matter.
So comments will be appreciated I do read them...
It all started with do you remember...
Wednesday 10 August 2011
Hey Arnold
Hey I have nothing else to say and I was not gonna blog but I won't be able to blog for a couple of days since I have performances sooooooooo...why not blog about Arnold. When I was a kid it was one of my favorite shows to watch after school. This everyone is the older version of stewy but I think less comedic. You should check it out.
It all started with do you remember...
Monday 8 August 2011
Peek A Boo
Yeah I know I haven't been around for a while...yeah now I sound like a hypocrite as I do not like when other bloggers go through blog droughts or until it becomes a fad again...yeah realistically it has only been a week. And what a week it was. I now know to use my no judging skills as people have lives like me and are busy sometimes. I had musical all week, I wasn't home, other times I was tired...dead tired that I couldn't even have the energy to press the computer's on button let alone open my eyes. Yes I was exhausted to the 'T' but I'm back again and boy did you guys miss me.
Like usual I am writing when I should be doing homework but that will get done later tonight. Anyway I'm just going to pommel into it, not really a rant but something that has been bothering me.
I want to get into the film industry when I'm older and it is bloody hard as people have been telling me like I don't already know or haven't thought about but really that isn't the only worry, many stereotype actors and that industry as snobby, big-headed and that sort of person but on set I have met some of the most down to earth people, that really care for their craft and stick it all day even in the most freezing weather, sometimes for free, to do what they love to do.
Now this is outside of school where there are no friends or anything it is a whole different thing in school. I have a predicament on my hands. Some people who you like a lot and don't want to hurt there feelings sometimes piss you off so bad because of their behavior. As we do theatre at school they talk about getting the main and when they don't they cry and when they do they boast and usually I just step back and let them sought it out for themselves because quite frankly I don't want to hear it how they want to get the main every time and not give anyone else a shot and don't have a problem with that. I hate how this on their part as I do not really care can make them angry at me for really no damn reason. I mean we are friends, we are supposed to be friends who stick with each other thick or thin and over a role they change like I am some competition. Usually as I said I stand back but next year is my last and I don't want to get trodden over though it is in me to feel guilty for these feelings, its just in the real world I can't not stand for myself, I won't ever go so low to being a bitch because some people are going for the same role.
Once again this does not make sense...
2nd Part: Jordan your blogs were enjoyable and made me laugh and you stopping now I have nothing to read nor does Jaja she and I want you to keep going. Pleeasssssssssse.
Anyway it all started with do you remember...
Like usual I am writing when I should be doing homework but that will get done later tonight. Anyway I'm just going to pommel into it, not really a rant but something that has been bothering me.
I want to get into the film industry when I'm older and it is bloody hard as people have been telling me like I don't already know or haven't thought about but really that isn't the only worry, many stereotype actors and that industry as snobby, big-headed and that sort of person but on set I have met some of the most down to earth people, that really care for their craft and stick it all day even in the most freezing weather, sometimes for free, to do what they love to do.
Now this is outside of school where there are no friends or anything it is a whole different thing in school. I have a predicament on my hands. Some people who you like a lot and don't want to hurt there feelings sometimes piss you off so bad because of their behavior. As we do theatre at school they talk about getting the main and when they don't they cry and when they do they boast and usually I just step back and let them sought it out for themselves because quite frankly I don't want to hear it how they want to get the main every time and not give anyone else a shot and don't have a problem with that. I hate how this on their part as I do not really care can make them angry at me for really no damn reason. I mean we are friends, we are supposed to be friends who stick with each other thick or thin and over a role they change like I am some competition. Usually as I said I stand back but next year is my last and I don't want to get trodden over though it is in me to feel guilty for these feelings, its just in the real world I can't not stand for myself, I won't ever go so low to being a bitch because some people are going for the same role.
Once again this does not make sense...
2nd Part: Jordan your blogs were enjoyable and made me laugh and you stopping now I have nothing to read nor does Jaja she and I want you to keep going. Pleeasssssssssse.
Anyway it all started with do you remember...
Monday 1 August 2011
funny panda commercial
My gosh this is probably the funniest thing i have seen in ages. my friend told me about it and I had to repress my laughter because I'm supposed to be doing homework
I'm Just Another Cinderella
I'm a punching bag full of dead weight,
A right hook here and a jab there
you see me as some vulnerable bait
that can be misused and abused but just you wait
Raw throat, hurting for air
Bleary eyed i think i might cry
Biting down on my lip
I restrain and hold my head up high
Twenty minutes back we were laughing,
Your sarcasm and my fatigue
Flash forward we were fighting.
With yells being thrown, I don't want to fight with you
It pains to see you leave
leaving me at the sink
Grabbing a cleaver you are so naive
The water is boiling over
Anger swells, seeing red hot,
Knuckles white, the bench top hardens
The boiling overflows the pot
Heat surges, ears whistled.
Flash back we were cuddling
I helped with your homework
And you admired my assisting
Now you see nothing.
Black pot simmering
Knuckles turn pink
My heart restarts beating
I can see clearly
In silence I turn from the clean dishes
the food I cooked, the house I cleaned
I turn away from all of that
Of course unseen
Your dark sarcasm reflects off my ratty armor
I stand strong, bitten and burnt
But still standing after the disaster
Just ready to prepare for the next round
Where I will be better and stronger
Hopefully you have learnt
That I have done so much for you
And what you do in return
Is bullshit and now I'm not having it, whatever you do.
A right hook here and a jab there
you see me as some vulnerable bait
that can be misused and abused but just you wait
Raw throat, hurting for air
Bleary eyed i think i might cry
Biting down on my lip
I restrain and hold my head up high
Twenty minutes back we were laughing,
Your sarcasm and my fatigue
Flash forward we were fighting.
With yells being thrown, I don't want to fight with you
It pains to see you leave
leaving me at the sink
Grabbing a cleaver you are so naive
The water is boiling over
Anger swells, seeing red hot,
Knuckles white, the bench top hardens
The boiling overflows the pot
Heat surges, ears whistled.
Flash back we were cuddling
I helped with your homework
And you admired my assisting
Now you see nothing.
Black pot simmering
Knuckles turn pink
My heart restarts beating
I can see clearly
In silence I turn from the clean dishes
the food I cooked, the house I cleaned
I turn away from all of that
Of course unseen
Your dark sarcasm reflects off my ratty armor
I stand strong, bitten and burnt
But still standing after the disaster
Just ready to prepare for the next round
Where I will be better and stronger
Hopefully you have learnt
That I have done so much for you
And what you do in return
Is bullshit and now I'm not having it, whatever you do.
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