BITCH IS COMING OUT

Just NO

That is ALL.

Poison Apple

Bright red,
gleaming, enticing
magical, plastic

all for show

The core,
cracked, fractured
rotting, natural
all hidden

Poison Apple you are
Like a snake you bite
You were once the cure
Now you are the disease.

Slinking your way
Injecting my heart
You bring me down

and now I can barely start.

The engine doesn't work
The exhaust cries.

Polluted air I breath

Full of deceit and lies.

You think you had me
But oblivious as you are
I am lightweight and free
Though I'm still far.

Far from the vice
Far from the noose
Far from constriction and pain
Far from you again.

It all started with do you remember...

A Ghost of A Goodbye

Turning a new leaf
Against the cheat
And all thats left
Is the empty seat

Emerald merges to ochre
Soft, sweet and now crumbled
The past slipping through my fingers
Like the sand that in time fumbled.

Down, down it goes
The last leaf falls
Bare and numb
The vulture crawls

Nothing left to do
Nothing left to say
But a small gesture
Turns this bright day to gray

Walking up the stony path
The steps are heavy and slow
Do I want to do this
I really don't know

Hurt and Joy
Lively and Numb
Two worlds, two options
what shall become

Of this; letting go
transparent and silohetted
are the emotions that are guarded
Everything inside is hardened.

One empty seat.
That is all that is left.
No realisation.
That it wasn't just a test

One empty seat
As transparent as the sky.
No realisation.
That it is a ghost of a goodbye.

It all started with do you remember...

spaz and things

Today was a bit of everything like my dinner tonight : left over lasangna, salad, tuna dip, potato and peppers. Trust me all of the above are delicious, especially as everything is HOME-MADE.
But today was a pocket full of sunshine, downcast regret, trodden all over disappointment and the sun gazed upon me once again as I felt...free and energised.

Motivated as I started Lent today, 40 days without junk food and that doesn't just mean sweets. Detox for me yay :). I'm not saying it's not gonna be a challenge because yeah it is. I like to indulge sometimes though friends think I eat healthy all of the time.

Then through out the day, everything felt different, but I must adjust to this because it is healthier for me in the long run, even though I have the deepest regret. But as I moved on it became a little easier.

HOT! The sun did not gaze but stare as it was brazen high in the sky, sweltering as The Afterschool Club played basketball, feeling appreciated...at first I wasn't gonna play, was having a mood, but Brother Bear coaxed me.

Then when does playing ball and tomatoes congregate, when I'm playing but two squirts of one of my boys Linx and a whole bottle of water guzzled, I felt a little perplexed at how my emotion was a giant rollercoaster.

Chilling at the back of the bus, laughter, crude jokes and fun...family was spoken of and 'why don't you have a best friend' and left with no explaination....whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy huh!!!?

Maybe cause i don't want one, too much hassle and then too reliant. It's never been wise for me cause im too independent and its just not how I rollllllll.

Does it make life difficult for me....NO!
For others?....that depends on who you ask, if they are content on what they know or if they want to know more.

Another random post, sorry for all the load of shit. I do sincerely apologise just haven't had a touch of inspiration lately...

It all started with do you remember...

101. Reality Checks...GOTTA LOVE THEM

This post was originally going to be called 'All Good Things Come To An End' but then i rethought, and rethought and rethought and then thought why was I rethinking so much...I am not dumb, I am intelligent. So why am I acting like Malibu Barbie. Anyway I thought that instead it should be called Reality Checks, as it may be an end of something that was good that in the future this check may have been the best thing ever. If ya get me.
If ya don't, let me rephrase. Have a boyfriend... you're in love (HA)...he cheats on you (where is the love now?)...you finally see he is a jerk, friends were right...end of something you thought was great but now a couple of years on you have a great boyfriend (or so you think). Reality checks can lead to better opportunities, stop bad habits.
By the way...The anecdote above is not about me or anyone I know for that matter...so Reality checks, many people change themselves on New Years and during important events but a reality check can be any time, I have them quite often and I think i should listen to them more often.

Reality Check on my behavior am I being myself...now in check
Reality Check...looking at the reality...gotta look past it...now in check
etc

it all started with do you remember...

Faulty

Jump, Hide

Shine, Dim
Talk, Silence

Smile, Frown

Sober, Drunk

Hot, Cold

Laugh, Chortle

Stand, Crouch

Live, Barely

Breathe, Just

Hear, Look

See, Clearly

Fault, Yours

Open, Close

Eyes, Drawn

Just, Hide

It all started with do you remember...

Gotta be my worst poem ever.......sorry guys

The Breakfast  AFTERSCHOOL club

Stress flies out the window
Music pumps in our veins
The crescendo ain't low
And the mood keeps getting higher.

Sit our bodies go
Talk our mouths go
Wander our eyes go
Listen our ears go

Comfort, warmth and freedom
Comfort of the area where we always stay
Comfort of the people around us give
Comfort of happy moods that won't go astray

Warmth though comes the afternoon sun
Orange, musty light, it is not that type
Warmth of friends, conversations run
Warmth of the peace and understanding.

Freedom that comes in all shapes
Freedom to be who you want
If that be a quiet flower or Superman and his cape
Freedom when you want.

Trade it in? No.
Keep it? Yes.
The likeness does grow.
I must confess.

Move Breakfast Club
Because here we are
The afternoon Club
and we will go far.

It all started with do you remember...

Flutter

Corners tilt
Warmth spills
The windows sparkle
You are well now.

Muscles upturn
Organs beat
Iris is luminicent
You can breathe now.

The vibrant pink
Roses flush
The mellow brown.
You can see now.

It is newly oiled.
Tweaking it
The creaking gone.
You are natural now.

Butterflys flutter.
Wings heard.
Goosebumps felt.
You can feel now.

The doors open,
The black lights up.
The soul can be seen.
You are true now.

It all started with do you remember...

P.S to anyone who is confused, a hint...its not about love, think harder and you may succeed.

Oh!

I've had many Oh! moments this week...these moments are different from my Ah! moments. Anyway Oh! moments occur when I realise something that I should've already known and just remembered or had just occurred to me.
From the smallest of things like wondering why I am actually enjoying my homework rather than stressing over it, like some people in my year level and then my brother yelled at me to be quiet because he was concentrating on his Maths. Lightbulb! I don't do Maths anymore. I dropped it for my last year of school because it was weighing me down, I dropped Indonesian for the same reason the year before last. It was just an unnecessary stress that didn't allow me to focus on my other subjects as much because my focus was to get a really good mark in this one subject that, lets be honest, I'm not good at. I'm shit at Maths and I can face that. If i try really hard I may succeed but never as much as I like. Anyway I realised I don't do Maths and therefore I don't have Maths homework...I knew something felt strange...
Another Oh! moment, a rather silly one I must shamefully admit but because I am so honest I will put it on here, that when I walk around the school, there are no 'bigger' kids because now we are Year 12, the last rod on the ladder of High School education. There was no one to look up to, we were looked up to.
Another Oh! moment was when I found it so easy to talk to the teachers, in Year 12 they respect the students much more because they know that what and how they teach is a great influence on students scores and that this year students actually want to really learn. It feels so different but a good different.
I have had many more Oh! moments but this one I just had today would have to be the most significant. For Media we have to produce a short film or something, I'm making a short film and well you need music for a short film so I was looking for music which then I can ask permission for. So browsing through the music I see a tab that says sad songs or something and I click into it, half-way during it my Oh! moment occurred. Now I don't know if you subscribers will understand but this past week I have been in the highest spirits I wondered aloud 'why the hell was I listening to sad songs' it had become such a habit, from my past moody days because nowadays I'm becoming more optimistic and taking life one step at a time. Good mindset for this year especially. So far it has worked well...and if I was my old cynical self I would have said 'Key words "So Far" but no instead I'm going to say this 'It should work out through the whole year but I will see where it takes me'.
Last was too dramatic for my liking, my moods were all over the place this year a much brighter, smilier me.
Thank-you very much.

Adieu.

It all started with do you remember...

What could I possibly have to say now?

No. Seriously what should I be complaining about. I should be thankful for bloody everything I have which to a degree I am and the other degree is just masked by my youthful ignorance for the world and the people in it...yeah things have changed and I know I have taken the hit a little more lightly than others. But I hate to say it. I'm really happy now. How is this even possible you ask? Why is it so wrong to be happy?
Well fellow people of what my close friends call Blogdom, as the Princess I am not here to lecture but to speak out her thoughts. So here goes nothing:
Why is it wrong to be happy? Not really wrong, I'm glad I'm really happy but the timing is very off. When I had it all, a friendship group that stuck like glue, more youth and there are many more great things I just can't seem to think of at this point in time...but during this time I was not as happy as I am today....I was content but i felt it could have been better but now when the glue is cracking and I get older and things seem to be slipping away I am happy, close to ecstatic...why, WHY IS THAT?
Well, I like to think its because I now appreciate what I have a lot more to see that you gotta hold onto things or they will slip through your grasp. Though I may float around, I am more than content to hang out with the people I may bump into along the way...taking each day as it goes, not comparing days...living life in the moment because after this year, many of things I took for granted will be gone, I'll be lost again and though this year is about hard work I really want it to be about fun and living each day to its fullest.

So what i have to say isn't really complaining........so yeah.

It all started with do you remember...

Change

I'm holding this dandelion, its so fragile and I really really want to make a wish. I have been holding onto this dandelion for a very long time, nobody knows why...hell I don't know why. Oh God I can feel something itchy in my nose...a sneeze? better not be. Quickly think of a wish you bloody mule. Shit. Oh no................................ Ah ah ah AH.......CHU... *squeeze eyes tight, open one eye slowly and the other*
what happened? The dandelion is still fully in tact, seriously why didn't it just fall to pieces like every other damn time. Why WHy WHY???
Maybe it has gotten stronger?
Or maybe it was a fluke....
We will see how long it lasts.

It all started with do you remember...