Vitamin D

The sun was a blessing today. It escalated my mood, from the very morning. Though a little chilly I sucked it up and let the sun sink in. It was gorgeous.
Why do people say gorgeous, "It's a gorgeous day today". The definition of gorgeous is: beautiful, very attractive or very pleasant. Haha I guess that is why. That makes sense now. I thought before it is a gorgeous day saying it is a pleasant/beautiful day but beauty is defined by the eye of the beholder. Beautiful could be when it is raining softly when the sun is still out. A friend called it 'Monkey's Birthday' but I never understood why. But even some people are most content, on the verandah listening to their music whilst the rain plays to its own melody, or when it is foggy....
I don't know where this was going but yeah.

Basically I had a great day.

It all started with do you remember...

-

I've looked back on my posts last week and it has shown a rollercoaster of emotion, I resent some of things that I have written especially my last post, as everything has made sense once again and I'm no longer angry but understanding. I just needed a clear head and be rid of the judging that was clouding.

notice

do you need to see me buckle at the knees, sweating at the brow, feeling nauseas and pale to know that I have problems though I may not show it. That stress has once taken its toll before and was not pretty. Do you really need me to do that?
Because I have before and I'm not inclined to do it again, unless you want me to make a point.

It all started with do you remember...

The drought I feel

I may be tired right now, maybe even delusional after doing a full run of homework, maybe a little of fool typing the last poem 'Her Flock' to return and do another one as I drown myself into the ocean of Adele and 'Someone Like You' 'Turning Tables' and 'Set Fire to the Rain' are all on repeat.
I may be a fool but I can't help what I feel so here it is:

Tears run dry,
gone and blown into a gust
of wind and are no more,
but salty, red dust.

The banks are cracked,
The lining losing its moisture,
the stagnant dry air hitting glassy eyes
and yet, they stay wide open: no cries.

The dirt is hard,
the grit harder.
The glue is has now disappeared
which was used to keep it together.

Her eyes shut; then open
Open to night
where the cold air sweeps through
the dingos howl as the dead silence brews.

The next morning the same,
Tumble weed passes
Animals become lame
die out, dry out in masses
and what is left is a plain of carcasses.

Days turn to nights,
The cycle wains on.
Time flys
and it is still dry.

Parched and withering,
the buds inside are wilting,
no growth, no life
they are buried.

Buried deep under sarcasm and wit
Now your mind clicks
As you have redeemed understanding
Of what the poem is concerning.

The abundant and fresh river system,
now gone as my veins are fading
into nothing, drying up right up to the source
which was the next target.

The heart; now resembles gray slate
cold steel strong beams.
Reconstructed and tough
and after a little more buff
all will be lost from the very beginning
when the last rains had fallen
and now they aren't winning.

But now what is left
Is dust, grit and iron.
A western movie, Lake Eyre
where the drought rides on
until the seasons rains are reborn.

It all started with do you remember...

Her Flock

I'm the watcher,
what goes on below
is either serene or chaotic
and both in full throw

I watch on a hilltop,
nobody notices
not even my flock.

Some call me the shepherd
that guides them somewhere
where the grass is greener on the other side
With my stick and compassion I shall guide.

Others call me the Philospher
the most trivial questions of the world
are discussed and fleshed out
the questions that have some meaning without a doubt.

I'm Galileo Galillei,
with my compass and scope
I shall see far and wide
the troubles that they may have to cope
with whilst I draw a path for a safe ride.

But I plainly think of myself as the watcher,
I look down and observe, analyze and confide
in myself as peoples inner turmoil will rise.
My flock all have their secrets which they wish to hide,
silent arguments, closed doors, shed tears.
I watch them and yet I watch I can do nothing
Nothing is not helping.

But yet I watch
as regrets, resent and repressed emotions
implode and explode like a firecracker
every shout and yell is in motion
and I feel helpless, weighed down, guttered.
Knowing that though it is not uttered.
No one is truly happy
and everyone has their problems
that once fixed, life shall be restored
back to the green fields
where happiness can then blossom.

It all started with do you remember...

Moonshine

Two Faced.
The light shines from one side and that is what you see, the brightness...sometimes coincidentally too bright but you look at it anyway because you are stubborn and naive and want to just believe that what you see is actually what it is. But the brightness is too bright, a luminescent mask, that pretends to outshine all the negative things.
You are too focused on the pretty shine, the porcelain skin and its radiance to notice the dark side, the side that hides away barely comprehensible from a distance. It's dark, invisible lining looms though you can not detect its being, but if you look close enough you can see where the other side ends, where the night has blended in with darkness of that side of the moon, if you squint you can peek under the brightness of the moon to reveal what is really beneath its pearl white surface.And you just need enough patience until the new moon comes to figure out who the moon really is without its shiny armor.
It's Two Faced.

It all started with do you remember...

Yeah thats right!

When everything turns

Man o man I had a revelation...I mean I thought I was a bitch but truly never believed it until last Thursday.
I don't know why hadn't posted this sooner but...since year nine i have been pretty damn independent, its my thing. I'd rather rely on myself, open up to myself and yeah it could get lonely sometimes but its better than getting let down by others. I was the pessimistic, overly sarcastic girl who held her own.Probably to compensate for my shy, quiet ways in primary and year seven/eight. I didn't let anybody break down the walls I had so long and hard built up for so many years. It was me and me alone. Until either a couple of months ago or last month. When I was talking about my rock in my previous posts, well it started firstly me opening up a little, just a crack and ended up being more dependent and my sarcasm left. Now people know me for my sarcasm so this was a big thing. I noticed how pathetic I felt for being dependent so last Thursday I tried to regain and find myself again. The independence thing was coming back slowly but the sarcasm was easier to retrieve.
It was so funny it slapped me in the face how much of a bitch I was. The sarcasm was so thick...the look on people's faces that day was hilarious. But if that is how I was before my god I was a bitch. How did anybody ever like me or want to be friends with me escapes me.
A lot of people did call me a bitch last year and now I know why, I have realised. I don't know if I'm gonna stop my ways because I definitely don't want to go back to the short-lived dependent ways, but maybe just downplay the sarcasm a notch.
People got so used to the nicer person in that month, when the sarcastic person came back on the scene, they were a little bit surprised. Except for some who even exclaimed "Yes she is back, where the hell did you go"
Goes to show there are many sides of a person and people shouldn't label or picture you as one type because that would suggest that they think they know you. In actual fact nobody knows anybody to the full extent.

My two cents.

It all started with do you remember...

wake up and smell the roses

Okay obviously you could tell through my posts I haven't been that happy lately. But I'm sick of not being happy, I see other people smile and its like...it looks so easy. There was this music thing at lunch yesterday. The sun was shining and people were laying in each others laps, eating lunch or icecreams, swaying to the music. And everyone looked so harmonious.
I remember thinking at one point I wish I could have my camera to take a shot and capture what I saw before me which truly rang happiness, everyone looked like they were enjoying themselves.
So that is it.
I'm taking a stand.
I am gonna be happy...even if i don't feel like it. I'm gonna get my independence back which i had misplaced during the last month or so...but that is another story, which will drag my euphoric mood down. So its not gonna be said. I'm gonna stop moping, if i do mope, to people and just keep it in and be happy.
That is a swell plan if I do say so myself.
I thought I should as somebody had told me that they have noticed my moods and I surely don't want people to see me as some charity case who needs sympathy or someone who is always complaining.
I want to be carefree and live in the moment, stop worrying about shit that really doesn't matter.
So this is my oath.
Which I will take seriously, but again I won't be serious.

Now adieu to all as I listen to the wonderful Adele...

It all started with do you remember...

I give them chances but they just fuck it up...why do i bother?

Random Post

I honestly don't get it...No really I don't understand it? How is it at all appealing? Now I know I should tell you first what the hell i am going on about but blimey these questions run through my head EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. What the hell is so appealing about somebody's ass...I'm not gonna lie I have a booty, its part of my figure...but does that give it reason for guys to go slapping it all of the BLOODY time.
Honestly what is it...its just another part of the body to me but for them is it the curve, the shape? Like boobs...is it some biological thing going on in their hormones.

Sorry another rant, from not a happy camper.

It all started with do you remember...

I wonder...

I wonder what the world would look like if skys were green and grass was blue
I wonder what the world would be like if people really said what was on their minds
I wonder what the world would be like if people weren't addicted to technology
I wonder what the world would look like if a bomb was never let off
I wonder what the world would be like if nobody fought for what they wanted
I wonder what the world would be like if man never found out what fire was
I wonder what the world would be like if wars weren't a solution for disagreements
I wonder what life would be like if we slept in the day and lived at night
I wonder what life would be like if people were as easy as a book to read
I wonder what life would be like if men were once again chivalrous
I wonder what the world would like if everyone took their masks off...what would be discovered underneath

It'd be pretty damn different.

It all started with do you remember...

TYPES

Yeah the content of this blog may be getting boring for some...I can't do much about it I'm afraid as I post things as they come in MY life.

I had a shit day yesterday as you can tell by my posts...and if you couldn't well I did. But they have nothing to do with what happened yesterday.
So I will tell you what happened.
Yesterday I was hanging out with a guy at rehearsals and he is somewhat a user/player, using all his tricks on every girl. How I know he said similar things to my friends and then to me...Geez this guy must be so original.
Anyway my values don't allow me to get used and this made him say "You are such a good girl" and I was like "Yes I am" and he was then "Guys don't like good girls" and this frustrated me just  a tad. He made it out like if I don't let him do what he wanted then I won't ever get a guy...anyway to that I said, "You know what I really don't care." and walked off.

Now I had respect for this guy...unfortunately. I actually respected him because I thought somehow he respected me as a friend. Someone that could just chill. I walked up to him then and asked "So do you only like girls for their body?" and he replied yes which I then said curtly "At least your honest"

I'm sorry if I'm wrong but I'm gonna give the other sex a chance here...this guy just typecasted all guys...now people say Oh she/he isn't my type...I honestly thing that is a load of bullshit. Well for me it is anyway. Because I don't have a 'type'. I see everybody as individuals, no matter their looks and personality I give each a fair and equal chance to show me who they really are. Because honestly people may be similar but their not the same for different reasons. So some people are good girls because of religion then I who it is one of my values, to not put myself out there for a guy to use like their personal trophy/object. Other people are like that for reasons, some known and unknown to me...but it is their individual way.

Sorry for the rant....actually no I'm not sorry.

It all started with do you remember...

BACK IN MY SHELL I GO

I've been poked too many times

A little about love...

Love is grief,
It's never simple nor brief.
It claws its talons in
and holds on so deep
that you can only surrender
or it won't let go.

Cupids bow is the Grim Reaper's scythe,
It's each one's favorite blythe.
Can do anything, pierce or cut
but its target is the heart
and either way it punishes
and kills but that's only the start.

First comes the shock,
The period that knocks
the breath out of you.
You can't believe the feeling
Its sort of tingly and profound
You never thought it was around.

Then the crying.
Night sets to dawn and your still bawling.
Helpless, Anxious and Confused.
You don't know what comes next
You don't know what to do.
But you know in the end you'll lose.

The next thing thats dawning
Is the huge period of mourning.
The heartache of what you have lost,
But you know you have to cross,
It is never wanted or easy
But life wasn't supposed to be breezy

It leaves you hanging,
In a sort of limbo.
The emotions are hot and alive
and you love all the butterflies.
But then the angst and despair
when you know he really doesn't care.

After the mourning
and the feelings that were dawning.
A bitter residue is left behind
As he closes his eyes and says goodbye.
For the last time.
You are standing there,
In the cold, winter open air.

Trust in the world has flown
And you are back to square one.
Looking down at the coffin
Open it up and look in.
And through the dim
You see your body within.

It all started with do you remember...

Fat Days

Seriously there is nothing else you can call them. Its just the name of the feeling of some days. You wake up and put on some clothes and you feel ugly and fat. Now I'm not much of a superficial person, but everyone has those days, where they wish it would end.
I had one today, even though I got my hair done by a hairdresser at the appointment, but i felt all over yuck. God hopefully tomorrow is better.

It all started with do you remember...

More Pics

This is Bega...yes Bega is famous for Bega. But though it is the land of cheese these pictures capture its tranquility, serenity and reminds me of the British shows. or Pride and Prejudice something like that.

It all started with do you remember...