Shambles

You know what I want.
Nothing.
Nothing from you,
Nothing from me
Just to stare into oblivion
Look out to sea
Vacant eyes
Moving no where
No purpose. Nothing.
No bloody care.

I didn't want it
But i knew it would happen
Or was it mishappen?
That naive blow
Hot. Searing Pain
Jabbed into the heart
Where all that was to gain
Left to depart.
Where rain turns to snow
Snow turns to ice.
At this stage there is no turning back
No such device.
To redeem what you had lost
what you had won but did not gain
Lost not what was earned
Because it was feigned.

You thought it was all a joke
You thought it was all for fun
The joker is not you
Because I have won.
Because im doing whats right
Stopping mid tracks...
Could it have kept going.
It was gone before it was aware.
The coals were never burning
No such amber deceived the air
But just cold, hard dust
Left where there was despair.

Despair is forbidden
In these ball and chained lands
The heart must pump
But not for you, or for me just for these glands.
To keep on working
To survive.
That is all it pumps for.
No meaning, No butterfly jive.
Just to keep breathing.
Just to keep alive.

Some think I'm stupid
but I'm smarter than they think
I'm not bragging
But i know whats written in ink.
It is plain on their faces,
Their parchment shows all proof
What they think, or think they know
This invasion makes me aloof.
Others think I'm naive
ignorant in manner and in way.
I know exactly what i am doing.
Each move leads to checkmate.
Judge me if needs be
As I do not care
I know how to take care of myself
I am very well aware.
How i act. How i look. What I think and What I've done.
Each move is strategic.
To win some you must lose some.
And those losses don't become regrets
But mishappens none the less.

All i want is to keep firm
A grip on what I have
A yarn of wool unravelled
Is not a useful yarn of wool.
But an inconvenience to all.
And I would not like to be that fool.
All I ask is don't get like that.
Don't let the twines tangle you.
And strangle what ached
Not all yarns of wool were made the same
Not all yarns of wool break.

It all started with do you remember...

I have a good feeling about tomorrow!

sweet child of mine

Red Brick

Blue Stone

Tough is the trick

But then you're alone.

Violins play,

their strings scream

not the sort of way

thats played in a dream

Twining, squealing together 

One by one

I don't know whether

That is how it should be done.

It is not right

Harsh reality

gave me a fright

their should be fraility

and light; pure and simple

like cherubs wings

innocent like a dimple

and other cute things

Don't cast them away

Place them behind bars

They need to come out one day

so open the sealed tight jars

As sweet as a child

It blossoms and grows

Don't constrict or let it run wild

Don't give a low blow

Its in a cage

under your chest

You need to engage

Not put it to rest

Let you be pure

Stop acting hard

Let you be free

You are not on guard

Everybody has one

a sweet child

So let it run free

Thats when you'll smile

It started with do you remember...

Be a little selfish for a change...

It shouldn't have taken that long to make a decision.
There shouldn't have been any decision making in the first place.
The decision was made even before the proposition was offered.
I can't believe it.
I can't believe 'I' me out of all people, had to question myself.
Myself meaning my values, my dignity, my principles just...ME.
There was no need. NO NEED AT ALL.
There should NOT have been ANY question about it.
I was going to agree to something that was going to change me or who I am because who I am would not have even thought about agreeing in the first place.
I could have asked for my friends advice on the topic a million times but that wouldn't have helped. Essentially it  came down to what 'I' wanted, not what the 'OTHER' person was wanting. I needed time to think and think I did. But yet it shouldn't have needed thinking. A precise NO would have done the trick.
I am satisfied with my decision because any other would not have been me and I wouldn't change me for ANY PERSON. Be that an interest, a friend unless justified to benefit my character and make me a better person. But if that is NOT the case then I'll stay me. I'm NOT DESPERATE to change. I HAVE VALUES that I'd like to KEEP. And people shouldn't change if someone simply tells them to. Especially if they can't give you what you want then why should you give them what they want?

And that is what it came down to...
If I had done it differently. I would have been lying to myself and everyone around me.
That is not me.

It all started with do you remember...

Entry 3

Ahoy!
Though the sky has been showering it is now clearing, revealing a new blue hue. Fresh. Fresh like the water, untouched by this ship before. My crew and I have been fighting a weary battle for quite a long time now on the once choppy seas.
The waves ceased as new land approached. Except as Captain sailing into new seas and territories can be daunting. Though the skys are crystal, the shadow and rain torments inside. There is this caution that you should take in the unknown waters and all that you are desiring and expecting could be drowned the moment you step on land. The discovery may be a total flop and then your back out to sea, drifting aimlessly until the compass strikes a North.
Like always the other crew members are oblivious of the black shadow that casts across my brow but this time I'm in control of the wheel and I, the Captain take the helm.

It started with do you remember...

I may not be the most nicest person but I try to be
I may not be the most intelligent person but I try to be
I may  not be the most grateful person but I try to be
I may not be the most entertaining person but I try to be

And it  may just happen that I may not be you or as good as you but at least I try to be the best person I can and if that's not good enough, or if you so kindly like to keep shooting me down with your obnoxious comments of myself than go straight ahead...Cause at least I may not be the most cockiest person and I definitely don't try to  be.

I mean who can compete with you...you'd just take the prize quicksmart  in that department

It all started with do you remember...

Hot or Cold
Oceans or Glass
Smiles or Lines
Wavy or Straight
Flat or Fist
Once here
Now gone


It all started with do you remember...