I bloody well CARE

Dear Dearest,

You know who you are.
Or do you?
Do you actually know...you say you know more.
But this, this you will deny for another thousand years.
I can say it, I can sing it, I can whisper it from the rawness of my heart.
But you will not know.
You will deny. You will argue. Why? Why? Why?
Does it really matter why?
I'm not sure if it is loss of self worth or
That you are truly oblivious at the kind of person you are.
Though you can calm the seas
You can produce storms of power.
Power that overcomes me with the type of anger I never knew I could have.
It doesn't happen with many people. But now it sure has happened.
It has happened alright.
I am so so angry I could punch you and actually knock  you out.
Whoa Whoa there Sonny Jim stop proclaiming how wrong I am but stop. Listen. And Think.
Stop proclaiming.
Listen to the frustration in my voice.
And think...think why I may be like this.
I am so angry at you, so very VERY angry.
But it is the type of anger that occurs when you care so much that every other emotion doesn't have enough power to reveal itself.
I care so bloody much to one point I believed I should care no more.
But dear, I was wrong.
I don't worry. But I hurt. It pains me to see you like this.
It pains me that I can see but can't do.
Maybe if i backed off...but NO. It made things worse.
It made things change.
Stuff is Weird.
It sure is kid. You don't say, you hide. You back away, back back into that hole. Like a mouse, not even cheese can tempt.
I believed if I let go, you'd sound eventually.
But I believe that made the abyss swallowing you seem that much more darker...and yes scarier.
I could be totally wrong here.
I thought I knew you...kind of. But I had kept trying to get to know you, however hard that may have been, to the point I believed our friendship was gold.
Then things slipped. Time ticked. I felt YOU WERE GONE.
Days past, angrier and angrier, blacker and blacker.
But I realised. This will not help.
I care and that is all you need to know
I will always ask how you are....even if you say you are fine.
I will always say talk to me...even if you tell me to not worry.
I will always say aww whats wrong...even if I know you will not tell me. (though once upon a time you did)
I will always stand by your side...even if you try to walk away.
And when you slip...I will catch  you.
And when that quicksand is up to your neck...I will be your rope.
You won't care for this message, you won't grab hold, you won't let me walk beside you...though you make sure  you do for me.
But you can scream. You can speak abuse to me. You can fight me.
I will be there.
Don't ever doubt it. (You just did)
You once promised me something, you have broken it. But I'll still be there.
I'll be there to sing, to shine and to just. be. there.
Until you say.
Go Away.
I will hesitate...of course I will, to just be broken with two little words. But if you don't want your friend anymore, I will go. Because you told me too. Because I care.
Because I bloody well care.

It all started with do you remember...